You Saved Me.

Perhaps you’ll be the one to save me?

When I first started talking to you, you asked me questions. You asked me, what am I running from or what I’m running to? In all honesty after thinking about it for a lot longer now I have been going so fast for so long I didn’t know how to slow down and if I did what if I might not make it very far. We’ve talked about dying and bad thoughts and how I’m not so much scared of the “dying” portion but the how much time I would give myself. I told you a lot of things don’t scare me but for some reason I scare myself the most because I know what I’m capable of doing. I knew that because I am so driven I feel like I could have done it or followed through with it. (not in anyway am I thinking of doing it I am just saying.) I thought if I slowed down I couldn’t take what could have been thrown at me and I didn’t know if I would be able to handle it. I thought if I stopped going fast that this wall I’ve spent my whole life building would come crumbling down and I wouldn’t be able to build it back up.

I was slowly losing myself, becoming distant from reality. I didn’t know what was happening, it was getting hard for me to tell the difference between dreams and reality. It started to get really scary and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to tell you but I didn’t want you to worry. I was really afraid I was going to lose it after I promised you I was okay. I needed help but there was no way in hell that I was going to ask for it. You were so together and I was so broken.

The starving, the excessive exercise, the negativity, the pressure to be perfect, and the tears I never shed?

It was all me, yet you decided I was enough for you and you stayed by my side. You never stopped believing in me. You never stopped being there and telling me what you really thought. You never got mad at me when I messed up or zoned out. You gave me hope and a light I didn’t think would shine anymore. I strayed away from my faith and even though we don’t talk about it much you brought me back.

All you ever wanted was for me to be myself with you. I know I kept a lot and I know I didn’t always tell you everything and you knew it too but perhaps you were the one to save me? You are the reason I’m holding myself together because you make it better, you make everything easier, and you make me okay… You are setting me free.

You Saved Me.

It has taken me awhile to finish this and with school coming to a close and taking life day by day, I just wanted to share that even in the darkest of times when you think people do not care or understand what’s going on, you will always have someone in your corner. You may not realize it at first and think that the world is against you but they are there.